Before we approach the heaping sartorial smorgasbord of Fashion Week, I'd like to write a little about the history of modern couture and how it should be digested. As with most topics, my qualifications are scanty and my opinions are the musings of an amateur enthusiast.

For thousands of years, ordinary people have sewn their own clothes, while people of power and means have had their clothes made for them, often at extraordinary expense. A major part of power, after all, is appearing to be powerful, and sumptuous clothes have always been a part of creating that appearance. During the mid to late 18th century especially, being powerful meant wearing indulgent, excessive designs, and entire industries thrived on the French court's love of silk and ostrich feathers.

But the anger and desperation of the ordinary people of France reached fever pitch in the 1780s, and even the most oblivious members of the court realized that yards of opulent lace, silk, and velvet were no longer appropriate or wise. High fashion in France was dramatically simplified, and the aristocrats of other nations gradually followed suit. Simple white chemises came into favor, due in part to the fact that chemical bleach became widely available for the first time. The industries that had been built around the extravagant tastes of the court dwindled as feathers, silk, velvet, elaborate fans and intricate handmade lace were replaced by simple muslin dresses, straw hats, and kerchiefs made of bulky machine made lace.

Just as computer animation and the high cost of labor have ensured that we will never see another Hollywood epic with thousands of extras in costume milling around custom-built sets, the development of modern economies and the democratization of the western world have ensured that we will never again see the extravagance, the craftsmanship, or the artistry of the 18th century court dress.

Except...

Dior

Dior

Lacroix

Dior

The above looks, from Fashion Week in Paris, all borrow heavily from the trends of the 18th century. In the words of the magnificent Rose Bertin, "There is nothing new except what has been forgotten." As we pass through a period of decadence into a period of decay, perhaps these designers are intentionally reminding us of another era of opulence that has passed.

On a practical leval, modern couture is the dog and pony show that fashion houses use to attract prestige and attention, which in turn allows them to sell their ready-to-wear lines. But it is also the echo of the no-holds-barred artistry of the very best designers of the 18th century. Every design is its own unique expression of the possibilities of adornment of the human form, and of the power, personality, hopes, dreams and longings of the wearer. Every panel is cut, and every stitch is sewn, by a human hand. It is at its best an expression of high fantasy, a work of art and craftsmanship made to move with a human body inside. These clothes are not made for us to wear - they are made to spark our imagination and desires. At the risk of sounding corny, they are made for us to wear in our dreams.

And so, when we look at these clothes, we should look at them the way we look at a painting or a sculpture, not the way we look at an outfit we're thinking of buying. Think about how a design strikes you, visually and emotionally. Think about color, proportion, shape, texture. Think about what a design conveys about its place in history, whether it says anything new about old concepts, whether it says anything about the designer or the intended wearer. And keep in mind that what you see in a jpeg image of a garment is a very limited representation of the delicate craftsmanship that can only be appreciated in person.

With all of that in mind, don't be afraid to bitch. Just as there's a lot of bad art, there's a lot of bad couture. Let the games begin.

Fascinating Womanhood

In 1963, Helen Andelin wrote a book called Fascinating Womanhood, which captured the tenor of the anti-feminist backlash. Anti-feminist texts, such as Fascinating Womanhood, The Surrendered Wife, and Created to Be His Helpmeet, are pretty much what you'd expect them to be. They promote traditional gender roles and divisions of labor, and generally abhor the idea of a woman taking a leadership role in her relationships. The general message is "be delightful and compliant, and your husband will stop being a dick to you."

Despite the knee-jerk reaction of anger and disgust most people now have toward these books, they do have valuable things to say about what we lost as we moved closer to gender equality. Many, if not most women do want to find a life partner who will cherish, support and protect them, and maybe even open a door or two, and many of these women find themselves emotionally crushed under cultural pressure to be strong, independent women who can be all things at all times. But I think most of us agree that taking responsibility for your own happiness by assuming the burdens of a self-actualized person is infinitely better than retreating into fear, dependence, and submission. Ms. Andelin, of course, would disagree.

To give you a feel for her book, without actually having to read it, here is a selection of terms from the index of Fascinating Womanhood. This list also works as something of a nifty poem.

Adaptable, good follower
Advice, how to give feminine
Anger, how to overcome
Angry, when husband is
Ask for things, how to
Ask, what not to ask for
Ask, when not to ask
Childlike joy
Childlike trust
Confusion of financial roles
Conversation, feminine
Convince, men don't like
Diligent, homemaking
Domestic duties, happiness
Drudgery, accept
Emotional health, by service
Fearfulness, feminine
Feminine arts, skills
Feminine, dependent women
Feminine touches
Foods to avoid
Fundamentals, homemaking
Hands, feminine manner
Happiness in homemaking
Harm in women working
Hints, men don't like
Honor his position
Housekeeping, a matter of character
How to ask for things
How to be perfect follower
How to express admiration
King, treat him like
Laugh, feminine manner
Love whom we serve
Meal preparation
Obedient to husband
Priorities, homemaking
Push and persuasion, not best
Reduce demands
Smile, when not to
Submissiveness, feminine
Suggestions, men don't like
Support his plans, decisions
Sweet submission
Tenderness, feminine
Voice, feminine manner
Walk, feminine manner
Weakness, feminine
Weight control
Youthful appearance
Youthful manner

Unbearably cute.

A kindly Scottish mailman finds a cold, abandoned baby otter by the side of the road, pops her in his warm, cozy mail bag and feeds her milk through a ball point pen tube.  I am slain by the cuteness.

That's Seau Nouveau!

Today I'd like to introduce a new semi-regular feature of The Daily Lalee: That's Seau Nouveau! Now, I think most of us can agree that there's nothing wrong with being nouveau riche - it's an admirable thing to improve your circumstances, especially when you come from a humble background. But there are certain lifestyle trappings we should strive to avoid, lest our behavior and affinities give away the fact that we just struck erl on our east Texas dirt farm.

Our first featured item on TSN is:

The Hummer, and all derivations thereof, especially the ghastly stretch Hummer. These oversized monstrosities generally disgorge herds of teenagers stampeding toward the school gym, asserting that "prom is going to be so awesome." If you find yourself entering or exiting a stretch Hummer as an adult, it may be time to admit that your life has become unmanageable.

The H2 and H3 "mini" Hummers are also super, super gauche. You see, good manners are born the moment we realize that we share the world with other people. When your choice of vehicle makes it difficult for others to park or survive a fender bender, you've overstepped the boundaries of good taste. All kinds of wonderful things can be hidden by the Hummer's enormous blind spots: children, squirrels, ice cream vendors, normal size cars, Lalees. We don't want to dent, break, bump, or flatten any of those things!

The lesson is: just because you can afford a big giant tank doesn't mean you should purchase one. That's seau nouveau.

Yeah, cheers, thanks.

From the Joys and Concerns file, here's some news that could be both. The joyful part is that AbFab is coming back. The concerning part is that it will be set in Los Angeles, and although Jennifer Saunders is co-producing, I can find no indication that either she or Joanna Lumley will be reprising their roles as the divine Patsy and Edina. I have a hard time believing that anyone other than those two fabulous dames could fill those preposterous platform boots. And as for setting the action in Los Angeles, I guess drug-addled, plastic surgery-addicted 40-something ladies just aren't as fun when you can see them any given Friday at your local Chili's.

I sincerely hope the new American incarnation of AbFab will be as marvelous as the original. But seriously, how could anything be better than this?

SAG Awards Fashion Redux

Count on the actors, those lovable attention whores, to create their very own televised awards show. Because lord knows if there's someone who doesn't get enough recognition in this business, it's the actors.
But enough with the griping. On with the bitching.

Trends

Too much ta-ta. I saw a lot of ladies using a lot of wardrobe tape. I'm not against body conscious dresses, but I think several looks crossed the line into vulgarity.

Brides R Us. So many beautiful brides - too bad it wasn't a wedding. Some of the white dresses last night were totally lovely, but I'm getting bridal fatigue. Ms. Hatcher's get-up struck me as particularly matrimonial.

When queens collide. I only saw two ladies working the Cleopatra look last night, but awards show fashion trends are like roaches - you may only see one or two, but you know there are at least a dozen more waiting in the wings, and they will pop out when you least expect them. Egyptian revival at the Oscars?

Orange crush. Several ladies wore delightful soft shades of orange, but some looks were more succssful than others. Ms. Linney's perfectly fitted, classic one-shouldered dress handily beats Ms. Longoria's promular confection of ruffles and sparkles.

Joys and Concerns

Joys

Taraji P. Henson

Lurve the whole package. That dress had no margin for error, nor did Ms. Henson require one.

Viola Davis

Perfect color choice on the dress. Her eyeshadow looked really, really blue in closeups, though.

Julie Benz

Love her hair and makeup, lurve the dress and shoes. Vast improvement over the Golden Globes.

Evan Rachel Wood

So glad she ditched Marilyn Manson. Her taste in clothing, unlike her taste in men, is almost always impeccable. Love the cut, love the fit, love the color. But what's up with that Nazi eagle perched on her shoulder?

Concerns

The Karen Carpenter Award for the Celebrity Most in Need of a Milkshake goes to Mrs. Cruise.

Alec Baldwin

I was relieved to find out that Mr. Baldwin's date was his daughter, not just some random starstruck floozy young enough to be his daughter. But my relief was replaced by disappointment as I realized what a slutterific dress she was wearing. My mother would've died before she let my 13-year-old ass out of the house in that.

Christina Hendricks

Ms. Hendricks is divine, in no small part because she shares a name with an excellent gin. But that bold red is washing her out. Also, the ruffles are a little too fussy, putting me in mind of a 19th century wild west bordello.

Katrina Bowden

This dress is the creation of one of my favorite Project Runway alums, Christian Siriano. Although I am a fan of Mr. Siriano, I'm not the hugest fan of this outfit. I have a deep-seated prejudice against super strappy sandals, and the bunching at the bottom of the dress creates an unfortunate diaper-like effect from certain angles.

Holly Hunter

Yikes. The fit and the cut are great, and the fabric is luscious and beautiful up close, but the color is killing me. You knew the carpet was going to be red, dear. Clashtacular.

Emily Blunt

Ms. Blunt is darling, and may even be divine some day, but I'm not a fan of this look. Although her makeup is lovely, her hair is too severe. Also, I didn't find the dress very flattering - in a dress this form fitting, your tummy better be so flat it's almost concave.

Marisa Tomei

I think the color is unfortunate and the flounces are too... well... flouncy. The color of the dress, plus lackluster makeup efforts, have made her look pale and tired.

The Bjork Award (SAG Edition) goes to:

Nicollette Sheridan

This look comes from the Roberto Cavalli 2009 resort collection. Are you surprised? It looks like one of those regrettable batik sarongs you buy on vacation and then never, ever wear again because as the daquiris wear off, you gradually realize it cannot be trotted out in polite company. But hey, the point of appearing on the red carpet is to be photographed, and I'm sure Ms. Sheridan accomplished that.

Wonderful Women - Minnie Vautrin

Today I'm introducing a new semi-regular feature on The Daily Lalee: Wonderful Women and Marvelous Men.  There are many stories of striking heroism that become obscured by time and indifference.  WW/MM will shake the cobwebs off some of these stories and shine light on the lives of people who should be remembered. 

If you know a story of forgotten heroism, please let me know!  I will do my best to include it in a future WW/MM feature.

Minnie Vautrin was born in Illinois in 1886 and spent much of her childhood working to save money to go to college.  After graduating cum laude from the University of Illinois in 1912, she went to China and helped found a girls' school in Nanking.  In 1937, when Japanese soldiers perpetrated what is now known as the "Rape of Nanking," Vautrin, along with a group of concerned foreigners, created the International Committee for the Nanking Safety Zone to enforce a neutral area where Nanking residents would be safe from violence.  The Safety Zone leaders stayed in Nanking to protect its people, despite many opportunities to flee.  During this time, Vautrin welcomed thousands of refugees into her school and kept marauding troops at bay with little other than her wits.  Her tireless negotiations with Japanese officers probably saved thousands of lives.

Vautrin could not be in all places at all times, and so could not always protect her charges in the Safety Zone.  From time to time, Japanese soldiers would enter the Safety Zone, often using the excuse that they were searching for prostitutes and other criminals, then carry off dozens of women, and rape and execute them at will.  The stress of her daily heroism and the haunting images of the many months of the massacre took a serious toll on Vautrin.  In 1940, she suffered a mental breakdown and returned to the United States on furlough.  A few months later, she killed herself. 

American travellers to China have told me that the events of World War II are still very present for the people of China, especially the elderly, and that they continue to be deeply emotional about the American contribution to the protection of their country.  These feelings are certainly present in Nanking, where residents still refer to Vautrin as "The Goddess of Nanking."

 

It's a sin.

Genocide?  That's bad.  Spitting out your wafer?  That's reaaally bad.

Drumroll, please.

It's that magical time of the year when the film industry falls in love with itself again (as if it had ever really fallen out of love with itself). Thursday morning was that magical morning when Oscar hopefuls, having spent long, wide eyed hours ping-ponging between hope and despair, pretended to have been asleep when they received the early morning calls from their agents. And this moment is that magical moment when I, a blogger with no relevant qualifications whatsoever, present you with my predictions for the winners.

Actor in a Leading Role
Who should win: Mickey Rourke. This poor man will continue to be the butt of substance abuse jokes throughout awards season, and should almost win on that basis alone.
Who will win: Mickey Rourke. This town loves a comeback.

Actor in a Supporing Role
Who should win: The divine PSH.
Who will win: Heath Ledger. I'll make the observation Ricky Gervais probably wanted to make at the Golden Globes and say that the only thing better for your career than doing a Holocaust movie is being dead.

Actress in a Leading Role
Who should win: The divine Ms. Streep. I know some scenery was mercilessly chewed in that little nun movie, but Ms. Streep was an incredible delight as the bitchy, hardcore, forthright Sister Aloysius.
Who will win: Kate Winslet. In addition to the aforementioned Holocaust/Oscar correlation, she's been nominated without a win for something like a hundred years now.

Actress in a Supporting Role
Who should win: Amy Adams. Only someone raised in the LDS Church could pull off such insane earnestness without veering into parody.
Who will win: Viola Davis. People have been raving about this performance. I was also impressed by her, but mostly just agitated at how badly she needed a Kleenex. There were tears and snot EVERYWHERE!

Animated Feature Film
Who should win: Wall-E. Who can resist that goddamn doe-eyed little robot?
Who will win: See above.

Art Design/Cinematography/Costume Design/Makeup/Visual Effects
Benjamin Button sweep.

Documentary Feature

I've seen none of them, but I've heard really good things about Man on Wire. People say that Werner Herzog might garner the sentiment vote for Encounters at the End of the World, but I think his fan base is a little too fringe to throw substantial weight at the Oscars.

Documentary Short

Strictly on the basis of subject matter, I'd like to see The Conscience of Nhem En win because I think the Khmer Rouge is a subject worthy of attention, especially in a town where trust fund hipsters traipse around in Mao and Che t-shirts.

Animated Short
I've been seriously bummed out about this category ever since a mediocre, slapstick-ridden interpretation of Peter and the Wolf beat out the sublime Madame Tutli-Putli. I abstain.

Live Action Short
Spielzugland. It's like Life is Beautiful, only backwards.

Sound Editing/Sound Mixing
Sorry, soundies. Don't care. Kindly rein in your incredibly long acceptance speeches.

Screenplay
I can't seem to work up much enthusiasm for any of the contenders this year. Readers, I toss this one to you.

Film Editing

Slumdog. Frantic, music video style editing has entered its heyday.

Foreign Language Film

This is a tough one. People are raving about The Class, but Waltz With Bashir has the subject matter edge.

Score

Slumdog.

Song
Who should win: Jai Ho. This little tune is catchy as all get-out. Plus I've loved Indian pop music ever since my grad school besty introduced it to me years ago. It's hard to listen to it and be in a bad mood at the same time.
Who will win: Down to Earth. Two of the three best song nominees are from Slumdog and they'll fatally split the vote.

Directing
Slumdog Millionaire. Isn't it weird that everyone keeps referring to this as the little movie that could, in spite of the fact that Danny Boyle has been an established director for over a decade?

Best Picture
Who should win: Meh. I've seen all the nominees except The Reader, and thought they were all excellent, but not phenomenal.
Who will win: I think Slumdog is going to sweep in on a giant, contrived, melodramatic dark horse and ride off with it. But so be it. Maybe what this country needs is a little singy-dancey star crossed romancey.

Every American for himself.

Earlier this week, our new president inspired us with an exhortation to embrace some of the values that helped America survive tough times to become a beacon of hope and freedom: hard work, honesty, courage, fairness, tolerance, patriotism. But I'd like to remind you that there's another characteristic that has helped ensure our survival over the centuries: our willingness to throw elbows.

Dress of the Moment - Inaugural Edition

Oh dear. Remember in fourth grade when we'd make papier-mâché piñatas and cover them with sequins and tufts of tissue paper? No?

How about now?
I know I'm going to get creamed for this, but here is my honest opinion: this dress is not bad, but it's not good either. It's fun that she wore something sweeping and romantic, but I could not get over the craftsy little embellishments. I mean, rhinestones, darling. Also, the shoulder strap juts off the body of the dress at an odd angle instead of organically developing out of it. I can't believe I'm even saying this, but I think she got outclassed by JLo's white one-shouldered number.

Perhaps that makes me an irredeemably vulgar Angeleno, but so be it.
You know I think Ms. O is lovely, and I want her to succeed at all her ventures - lawyer, mother, wife, first lady, clothes horse. I think she dresses admirably well, but perhaps she should have a professional to trade ideas with, a neutral third party not beholden to a particular designer, who can translate her inherent taste and sense of color into seriously competitive knockout looks. There are always herds of stylists wandering around Los Angeles. I know a town where they would, or should, be welcomed.

Postscript

So apparently Ms. O works with Chicago designer Maria Pinto. How often and how closely? Did Ms. Pinto contribute to the inauguration choices? Who can say? I think her collections are worth a look-see. I'm not dying over every single piece, but I think some of the looks are pretty darn fabuleuse.

Bjork Award - Inaugural Edition

How could I forget? The Bjork Award for Embarrassing Yet Inspiring Sartorial Bravery (Inaugural Edition) goes to:

Her Majesty the Queen of Soul and her tragic church hat.

We all know Ms. Franklin is divine.  But I mean, it's bedazzled.  I'm sure Ms. Franklin knows how to work a church hat.  What went wrong?  

Inaugural Fashion Redux

Just as the Oscars are the undisputed sartorial hot ticket in my little Southern California bubble, I recently heard that there's a competing fashion extravaganza on the other coast called "The Inauguration." What's more, it only happens every four years! I decided I had to investigate. Here are some of my findings:

Mrs. Lincoln

Mary Todd, NO!!! Not only is this dress awful, but Harriet Lane already wore it!

See?

Mrs. Roosevelt

Though she was not considered a conventional beauty, the lady could pull it together. While this dress is not as body conscious as the gowns we are now accustomed to seeing, I find it extremely elegant.

Mrs. Kennedy

Duh. The gloves, the hair, the debutante-like manner in which she lifts her skirt to step onto the snowy pavement as courtiers shield her from the weather with their umbrellas. American princess.

Mrs. Nixon

Beaded bolero jackets provoke a range of feelings in me, from rage to helpless indifference.

Mrs. Carter

Oh Roz. Are you kidding?

Mrs. Reagan

I realize it's dated, yes, insert Dynasty joke here. But I still sort of love this dress, with its sweet little California grapevine reference.

Mrs. Bush

I love the deep, saturated color, but it's basically a burqa.

And finally:

Mr. President - love the tie. Nothing says "consensus builder" like flying the opposing party's colors.

Sasha - Cutie McDarlington. Malia - Very lovely, but emitting the wary, brooding vibe that forecasts a future tell-all author.

Ms. O. - You know I love the adventurous Ms. O. I think she's divine. I'm really struggling with this particular outfit, though. I can get on board with most of what's happening - the pea soup gloves and the embellished dress, coat and scarf in cheerful shades of goldenrod, but what's going on with those shoes? Was the lighting bad in her dressing area? They. Do. Not. Go. Would I be more comfortable with those shoes if she'd left the clashing gloves at home? Perhaps, but I don't think so. The gloves are a yellow green, so they work. The shoes, on the other hand, are a deep, sequoia-like blue green - clashtacular. Let's hope she has something seriously fabulous on tap for the formal drinky-dancey action this evening.

Monday, January 19, 2009

High Altitude Chili

I spent this long weekend at a charming condo with charming friends at charming Huntington Lake.  I was assigned dinner duty one night, and I decided that what we really needed after a long day of high altitude frolicking was a pot of ridiculously decadent chili.  I don't exactly have a recipe for this chili - I just add a bit of this and a bit of that until it tastes right.  But here, approximately, is how you make my indulgent chili:

Ingredients:

Six slices bacon

1 1/2 pounds sirloin steak, cubed

1 bottle beer

Three cans crushed tomatoes

Four cans beans

Two large onions, chopped

Four cloves garlic, minced

Chili powder

Cumin

Salt 

Pepper

In your chili pot, cook the bacon over medium high heat until crispy.  Remove and reserve bacon.  Sprinkle sirloin with about 1 tablespoon chili powder, 1 teaspoon cumin, salt and pepper, then sear it in the bacon grease.  Remove and reserve sirloin.  Pour about 1/2 the beer into the pot and add chopped onions.  Cook the onions, stirring occasionally, until translucent.  Stir in crushed tomatoes, minced garlic, and the rest of the beer.  Stir in sirloin and crumbled bacon.  Add chili powder, cumin, salt and pepper to taste, then let simmer over low heat for at least one hour.  About 10 minutes prior to serving, stir in beans.

Practice tips:

-The longer you let this chili simmer, the better it will taste.

-You can use any type of beans you like.  I prefer red and white kidney beans.

-Rinsing and straining the beans prior to adding them to the chili will help reduce gas.  The gassiness we experience after eating beans is caused by nitrogen nodules that cling to the outside of the bean, so washing those nodules away helps reduce discomfort (and embarrassment!).

-You can try using any type of beer you like - I traditionally use Sam Adams. 

-For an extra hearty meal, you can serve this chili over egg noodles and top with shredded cheddar.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

An Outsider's Inside View of Gaza

This thoughtful, fascinating blog is written by a woman I met a few months ago when she was visiting Los Angeles. It may give you a better idea of what life is like for ordinary people, especially children, in Gaza.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Patron Saint of Atheists

Saint Otteran (or Oran) was a monk who lived on the tiny, beautiful Scottish island of Iona, a sacred isle which became a burial place for Scottish and Viking rulers. When Saint Colomba was exiled from Ireland in 563, he founded a monastery on Iona with several companions, one of whom was Saint Otteran.

Legend has it that Saint Colomba's attempts to build a chapel on Iona were thwarted as the building was myseriously destroyed every night. A voice told Saint Colomba that the chapel could not be completed until a man was buried alive in the foundation. Obliging soul that he was, Saint Otteran volunteered for the task and was buried alive so that the chapel could be finished.

Some time later, Saint Otteran, whom all had supposed to be long dead, pushed his head up out of the floor and informed the congregation that contrary to popular belief, there actually was neither a heaven nor a hell. Saint Colomba, aghast at this impertinent revelation, pushed Saint Otteran back into the ground and had him buried more securely beneath the chapel, where he remains to this day.

Postscript

There's a self-styled "young Medium" on Blogspot who refers to herself as The Gilded Butterfly and blogs about her otherwordly communications with Saint Otteran, which focus on topics such as the song of earth and the complexity of oneness. These missives are a little touchy-feely for a 6th century monk, I must say. But still. It's entertaining in a "you've got to be kidding me" kind of way.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Los Angeles Will Rot Your Brain

But so will New York, Detroit, Denver, Cleveland, Chicago, Atlanta...

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2009/01/04/how_the_city_hurts_your_brain/?page=full

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Golden Globes Fashion Redux 2009

Ever since Crash won the best picture Oscar, I've been convinced that the awards themselves are an arbitrary morass of Scientologist conspiracy and frantic studio marketing, and I no longer hold my breath for my favorite films to be recognized. Instead, I eagerly await the next Lara Flynn Boyle ballerina costume or Bjork swan dress. I'm one of those girls who watches at least an hour of red carpet coverage prior to each awards show, and then first thing the following morning jumps on the internet to devour the fashion post-mortems. So here, for the very first time, is my very own Golden Globes Fashion Take-Down.


You may find yourself wondering what possible qualifications I could have to critique fashion. I must admit that I have none, other than wearing clothes myself most days of the week. But the best fashion critiques rely not so much on expertise as well delivered bitchery. In which I have been known to engage and occasionally even excel. So enjoy! And comment!


Trends


This year there were lots of big, sweeping skirts and chunky jewelry with botanical motifs. The two colors worthy of note were blue (from ice to midnight) and various regrettable shades of pinkish taupe reminiscent of Barbie flesh. Guess which color trend I hated. But more on that later. First, joys and concerns.


Joys


Christina Applegate's necklace and her extreme good humor for gracefully fielding hundreds of questions about her breast cancer.


















Kate Winslet's tasteful, structured, approrpriate black dress.


















Tina Fey tarting it up a little with that perilously plunging neckline.


















Concerns


Sally Hawkins - I can't even start in on her dress - I'm too worried about her weight. Someone please make her a milkshake.



















Rachel Griffith's tragic, rumpled gold trash bag. She should fire her stylist and buy a steamer.


















Julie Benz's seafoam bridesmaid's dress.



















Jenna Fisher - grandma is gonna be super pissed when she figures out what happened to her curtains.


















Even Media Darlings Get the Blues


Blue was all over the place on Sunday night, and while I loved the color choice, some looks were more successful than others. Much was made of Anne Hathaway's severe hair and makeup, but with a decadent, dazzling, full skirted dress covered in Swarovski crystals, I feel like a little restraint was merited. Lurved it.

Debra Messing's satin mermaid ruffle halter thingie might've had a chance if she'd had the boobs to sustain it. But alas, hated it.


Maggie Gyllenhaal's hair was super, super good and her blue animal print dress was daring in the very best sense. Lurved it.


















Blake Lively's hair, on the other hand, was effortless in the very worst sense, and her dress was incredibly unforgiving. That tummy bunching is bad news. Hated it.


















As for Mary-Louise Parker, I've rooted for her ever since that cad Billy Crudup dumped her while she was pregnant with his baby. Hope he watched the Golden Globes and was totally devastated by her fabulousness. Lurved it.


















Not Pretty in Pink


Several ladies wore pink to the Golden Globes, which at its best can be the ultimate femmy, fun color. I didn't see anyone looking pretty in pink on Sunday night, however. I know Cameron Diaz's two tone locks are "fashion forward," but to me it just looks like the recession hit her so hard she can no longer get her roots done. And lord knows she spends time taking care of that bod of hers, so why swath it in 47 yards of hyperpink fabric? Hated it.


















Brooke Burke looked like she was being eaten alive by her dress. Beading, draping, twisting, gathering, dragging. Way. Too. Much. Going. On. Hated it.


















As for Olivia Wilde, I think we can expect some PETA protests on behalf of the Muppets who were skinned to make that skirt. Hated it.



















Remaining Neutral


No fewer than 14 women showed up to the Golden Globes in varying shades of beige, paste, putty, ecru and taupe. And despite the fact that some of them looked sensational, I find these dresses to be such yawners that I present them to you with no further comment.


























































And last but not least, this year's Bjork Award for Embarrassing Yet Inspiring Sartorial Bravery goes to:


Renee Zellweger!


















I was so relieved to see that she hadn't worn another goddamn Carolina Herrera dress that I quietly cheered for this look, despite the fact that it's what we might traditionally deem a "disaster." Until, of course, I found out that this dress is also by Carolina Herrera. Sigh. Still, three cheers to the former Mrs. Chesney for branching out a little, even if she's clinging to the wrong twig.


Honorable mention to:


Heidi Klum


















This dress belongs on a 20-something warbling "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" at karaoke night after too many Midori sours. Also, even mild suggestions of the recent gladiator sandal trend make me break out in hives. However, it is brave of a 40-year-old mother of three to wear something so... exuberant? So honorable mention to Mrs. Seal.

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