Oops.

When you're writing a letter to the police to refute claims of illegal drug use in your nightclub, it's probably best to use the stationery that's not covered in cocaine.

Speaking of being fruitful and multiplying...

I've been disturbed recently by what I perceive as radical antifeminist undercurrents in our culture. Antifeminist books like "The Surrendered Wife" are gaining a toehold in the collective consciousness, and reality shows featuring human overbreeding set against put-upon breadwinning husbands and housewife drudges are becoming increasingly popular. Take for instance, "Jon and Kate Plus 8," "18 Kids and Counting," and "Kids by the Dozen." The freak show aspect of these programs is undeniable. Kate presents us with a frank discussion of the revoltingly expansive slack pouch of her formerly overpregnant stomach (now tightened up with donated plastic surgery, thank you very much).

Watching the parents on these shows marshalling their kindermobs through simple tasks from breakfast to bathing to park outings provokes a blend of pity, awe and horror in me, not unlike what I feel when confronted with terrible congenital physical abnormalities.

Sideshow aspect aside, what these families often don't mention is that most of them are radical fundamentalist Christians who believe they are acceding to god's will by whelping litters of children. One of the moms on "Kids by the Dozen" referred to a gift of hand-me-down clothes as a token of appreciation from god for obeying him and raising so many of his warriors. That's right - his "warriors."

Radical fundamentalist Christians belonging to the "Quiverful" movement believe that Christian couples should engage in no family planning whatsoever, but should instead submit themselves to having as many children as god sees fit. Among the reasons for this is the notion that the more Christians they can raise, the more they can put into positions of power, where they can shape the policies that effect the lives of everyone in this country. In other words, they want a theocracy, and they will create as many new radicals as they can in the effort.

So before you dismiss these superbreeders with a self satisfied chuckle and change the channel, consider the fact that they think they're raising cultural warriors, and the people they're raised to fight against may be you.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/189763?from=rss

Nicely done, your holiness.

From the outrage files: Pope Benedict XVI has finally figured out what's hampering us in our efforts to eradicate AIDS in Africa. It's the distribution of condoms. That's right: promoting safe sex is contributing to the spread of AIDS.

Many devoutly religious people seem to take the view that if we don't talk about sex, or better yet, if we portray it as dirty and shameful, people will stop doing it. But the cold fact is that abstinence only methods do not work. People who make purity pledges get knocked up at about the same rate as their impure colleagues. God has commanded us to be fruitful and multiply, and damned if we aren't good at it.

It's one thing to object to the distribution of condoms in suburban American schools, but it's quite another to object to it in places where people are dying in droves every day from AIDS. In fact, I think the spread of religion has been more detrimental to the AIDS eradication effort than the spread of condoms. Specifically, I'd like to call out religious medical missions that will help you once you have AIDS, but will not provide you with the education or tools necessary to avoid getting AIDS in the first place.

It's bad enough not to give people the means to avoid dying of a horrible disease, but to criticize those who are providing that service is beyond comprehension.

America may have the greatest amount of white trash...

...but England's white trash is definitely the trashiest.

Former Project Runway contestant jailed for assault.

Guess who.
Guess how gleeful I am.

Dear Cardinal Levanda,

You believe in virgin birth and resurrection from the dead.
You believe a rambling, violent book that promotes sexism, racism, homophobia, slavery and profound injustice, and was written by desert tribesmen thousands of years ago, is the word of god.
You believe a capricious puppetmaster policeman in the sky personally supervises your every action and listens to your every prayer, despite the fact that if such a person actually existed, he would probably have better things to do.
You traipse around wearing man dresses and silly party hats.
And you think atheists are absurd?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29484902/?543

Furthermore, I don't think most atheists would go so far as to say that evolution proves there is no god. It simply proves that the god you would have us believe in, a god who lovingly crafted every single animal from scratch and loaded them two by two onto a giant boat, does not exist. But go ahead and say whatever gets you headlines. Obfuscation, after all, has always been your lifeblood.

Lurve,

Lalee

Vadge Hating Ads

Here's a funny article summarizing the top 10 most misogynist TV spots of all time. I think my favorite is the ad for the playhouse complete with washer and dryer, with a little girl singing, "Taking care of my home is a dream, dream, dream," in the background. Just you wait, missy.

Reader Questions: Ms. O

Wonderful Daily Lalee reader Michelle asks:

"Being the expert on etiquette and fashion that you are, was wondering how you'd weigh in on this . . . "

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/27/michelle-obamas-sleeveles_n_170629.html

Well Michelle, first of all, flattery will get you everywhere. I am only too glad to share my thoughts on Ms. O's sleevelessness.

I think it's just fine. And in light of the fact that Ms. O has lovely, sculpted arms with tiny delicate bitty bird wrists, I'd say it's even more than just fine.

I know it's not exactly a winter look, but how many more decades do we have to pretend we don't have central heating? Maybe it's because I'm an Angeleno, but I'm hard pressed to think of an occasion when a sleeveless dress would be inappropriate, other than a court appearance, a very religious wedding, or an audience with the Pope.

I think the doyennes of Washington "fashion" who are critical of Ms. O's sleeveless looks should get some perspective. Isn't it better to have the first lady in a beautiful, well designed, fashion forward dress that pushes the envelope, than to have her in a perfectly hideous skirt suit that meets all of your standards of decorum? No? See, that's why you're a Washington fashion expert, and not a New York, Los Angeles, Milan, London or Paris fashion expert. Pseurry.

Furthermore, I'd like to remind those squawking partridges that sleeveless dresses at ceremonial occasions have suited several first ladies just fine:

Mary Todd Lincoln


Eleanor Roosevelt

Nancy Reagan

Believe me, I'm the first one to slam the brakes on someone who's breaching decorum. I just didn't see that here. I saw a fit, attractive woman in a very professional looking, well made dress that would've been suitable for a business meeting in most companies around the world. If it had been strapless, or cut from a clingy, diaphonous fabric, we'd clearly have a problem. But it wasn't. Now, if Ms. O decided to wear a beautiful, tailored jacket next time to quell the haters, I certainly wouldn't mind. But I don't think it's necessary.

Joy? Concern?

http://www.engadget.com/2009/02/25/double-amputee-new-zealander-has-mermaid-dream-fulfilled/

Driving while breastfeeding? AND talking on a cell phone?

http://www.whiotv.com/news/18813161/detail.html
I'm counting down the seconds until La Leche League issues a condemnation of the citing officer.

Happy Valentine's Day...

So there's this guy in India who has written the name of his lost love over a million times, and plans to keep going until he reaches 10 million. He's punishing himself, you see, for lacking the courage to ask her to marry him. The kicker is that he went on to marry someone else and now has two kids. And he still writes the name of his lost love over and over for an hour each day.

Am I getting old? I don't find this situation the least bit romantic. In fact, I'm kind of infuriated at this asshole. Can you imagine being married to someone who spent an hour a day being ritualistically infatuated with someone else? He should at least have the decency to pine away in private.

Isn't this one of the seven signs of the apocalypse?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbuXOopbWcE

Thank god it's not just us.

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/82859/Obese-toddlers-get-exercise-classes

Unbearably cute.

A kindly Scottish mailman finds a cold, abandoned baby otter by the side of the road, pops her in his warm, cozy mail bag and feeds her milk through a ball point pen tube.  I am slain by the cuteness.

Yeah, cheers, thanks.

From the Joys and Concerns file, here's some news that could be both. The joyful part is that AbFab is coming back. The concerning part is that it will be set in Los Angeles, and although Jennifer Saunders is co-producing, I can find no indication that either she or Joanna Lumley will be reprising their roles as the divine Patsy and Edina. I have a hard time believing that anyone other than those two fabulous dames could fill those preposterous platform boots. And as for setting the action in Los Angeles, I guess drug-addled, plastic surgery-addicted 40-something ladies just aren't as fun when you can see them any given Friday at your local Chili's.

I sincerely hope the new American incarnation of AbFab will be as marvelous as the original. But seriously, how could anything be better than this?

It's a sin.

Genocide?  That's bad.  Spitting out your wafer?  That's reaaally bad.

Every American for himself.

Earlier this week, our new president inspired us with an exhortation to embrace some of the values that helped America survive tough times to become a beacon of hope and freedom: hard work, honesty, courage, fairness, tolerance, patriotism. But I'd like to remind you that there's another characteristic that has helped ensure our survival over the centuries: our willingness to throw elbows.

Los Angeles Will Rot Your Brain

But so will New York, Detroit, Denver, Cleveland, Chicago, Atlanta...

http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2009/01/04/how_the_city_hurts_your_brain/?page=full