TMI and PSA

This blog post pertains to my lady parts, and not in a fun way. You've been forewarned.

Recently I had an abnormal pap smear, and my OB/GYN decided a few areas on my cervix needed to be biopsied. A biopsy of the whatnot is not fun, but it could not be avoided. The results indicated that I have a precancerous lesion on my cervix. In a few weeks, my OB/GYN will remove the affected areas in an in-office procedure with local anesthetic. Needles, cutting, and cauterizing will happen in places I'd rather not contemplate. It won't be fun, but it's infinitely better than having cancer in the vadge. After the procedure, my pap smears will most likely be normal and I'll be just fine.

Now here's the PSA part. If this lesion hadn't been caught at this stage, it could've developed into cancer. Ladies, if it's been more than a year since you've had a pap smear, get one NOW. Call your doctor tomorrow morning and schedule one.

Furthermore, if you haven't gotten the HPV vaccine, get it NOW. If you have daughters, make sure they get it when they reach the appropriate age. The vast majority of cervical cancers are caused by high risk strains of HPV. Getting the vaccine is a no-brainer and it's absolutely worth it if it helps you avoid the pain, anxiety, and inconvenience of the things I'm going through this month.

Tonys Fashion Redux 2009

The Tony Awards are adorable. At last, the high school drama geeks have made good, and now they get to dress up in couture and revel in their passion for stagecraft. I must say, I was quite pleased with most of the sartorial choices this year.

Joys

Anne Hathaway. She is looking damn fierce in Oscar de la Renta Fall 2009. One more spot-on ensemble like this and I may have to start referring to her as "La Hathaway."

Mrs. Gandolfini. Very lurvely.

Allison Janney. I'm not real happy about the hair, but I love her adventurous color choice. Also, the cut of this dress makes her body look smoking hot.

Jessica Lange. This is a less successful iteration of Ms. Janney's look, but still, I liked it. Here's hoping that's not a tattoo on her left wrist.

Hope Davis. The shoes are kind of promular, but I think the dress is super fun and flattering.

Nancy La Scala. I was torn about that drapey neck piece, but on balance I think this look is damn fierce.

Concerns

Stockard Channing. I love Ms. Channing, but this little number is frump-a-dump. Her makeup is too severe and it ages her. Furthermore, she's a tiny, petite little person and this dress makes her look even shorter. How about a perky Dior silhouette and shawl collar next time?

Edie Falco. I'm kind of torn about this one. I love her hair and makeup, and I love the dress in theory, but I think the crumpled fabric is most unforgiving on her figure. I'm guessing this was a stunner on the runway model, but just didn't translate to someone with a BMI above the starvation range.

Chandra Wilson. Empire waist is not for full-figured ladies. Pseurry. Although she looks very pretty, poor Ms. Wilson should not even have been permitted to try this dress on.

Samantha Mathis. Architectural dresses must be flawlessly fitted, and this one was not. Also, she comes across as just a little underdressed, no?

Bebe Neuwirth. Frump-a-dump. The length and cut are super boring. I know she has insane legs - where are they? Also, HATE the clown shoes.

Haydn Gwynne. Her pale skin is cornea searing, especially against that bright purple.

Dolly Parton. Speaking of cornea searing... But this is Ms. Parton's schtick and I'd expect no less from her. I say that in the most loving way possible.

And we have our first ever male recipient of the Bjork Award!!!

Paul McGill. Shiny green leprechaun suit. Enough said.

Things I Lurve - Cinespia

Summer in Los Angeles means watching movies in the cemetery.  No, really.

Saturday nights all summer long, Cinespia hosts classic films in the Hollywood Forever cemetery.  People bring blankets and cusions and sit on a huge grassy lawn while classic movie favorites are projected onto the side of a mausoleum.  Upcoming films include Funny Face and The Graduate.  You can bring your own picnic dinner and booze.  Admission is $10.  Come early to find decent parking.

www.cinespia.org

Resort 2010

Ah, it's resort season.  The resort shows were originally meant for rich people who were looking to buy chic, casual clothing that traveled well to take on their summer trips.  It's become a delightful interlude of ready-to-wearishness tucked between the fall and spring shows.  Resort wear is typically just as it sounds - casual, comfortable, colorful.  Let's begin with a couple of ladies whose resort collections are, in my opinion, a big improvement over their fall collections.

Diane von Furstenberg

DVF is known for her fabulous taste in prints, and I believe her 2010 Resort collection is a return to form:

With some notable exceptions:

Some of my favorites from this collection included a sassy cocktail dress:

And a delightful pool cover-up:

Carolina Herrera

Ms. Herrera's fall collection was a very stiff, heavy, drab affair.  There's much more levity in the resort items, and these are some of my special favorites:

While I've very fond of the orange, I think it's better suited to darker skinned ladies, such as Sessilee Lopez, who is swiftly becoming one of my favorite models.

The less successful looks in the collection were, in my opinion, the ones that veered into the geriatric.  I hate the shiny fabric on the left, and as for the look on the right, it's a little too "brunch at the club."  Furthermore, I think lace, like facial hair, is almost always a bad idea.

I'm back.

They thought they had me down.  They thought they had me beat.  They thought Los Angeles had eaten me alive and I'd never be seen again.

Well.

How wrong they were.

I've had my own private dark night of the soul, ducklings.  Oh yes.  Especially if by "dark" you mean "thorough," by "night" you mean "reappraisal" and by "soul" you mean "finances."  But I have risen resplendent like a phoenix from the ashes, like Liza Minelli from the sordid detritus of her four gruesome marriages, like Robert Downey Jr.'s career from a needle-infested rat nest in Pershing Square, like Scarlett O'Hara from the smouldering ruin of Tara, clutching a cut crystal tumbler and swearing, as god is my witness, I will never buy cheap gin again, before finally breaking into a show-stopping rendition of "Don't Rain on My Parade."

Don't rain on it, motherfuckers.

There will be more fashion, more luxury bargains, more things I lurve, more joys and concerns, more bitchery than ever before.  Because if there isn't, my friends, then the communists, the terrorists, and the joyless, dour, uptight, self-righteous vegans have won.