Sushi Etiquette

As many of you know, I have commenced a determined journey into the realm of sushi, which is no small task for me. There are many things I dislike about sushi. First, it often involves raw fish, and as someone born in the middle of cattle country, I really struggle to get on board with that. Second, it sometimes involves elements that are even more terrifying than raw fish, like sea urchin, octopus, and various and sundry types of fish eggs. Third, it's often too damn big. Asking someone to fit an entire piece of nigiri in their mouth is mildly sadistic.

But there are also things I like about sushi. In fact, there's even something I love about sushi:

rules.

Lord knows I love etiquette, even when I don't observe it. And in my quest for immersement in the world of sushi, I have discovered that the process of preparing and eating sushi is riddled with more rules and regulations than the Westminster Kennel Club.

I love that.

So here for you, my dear poodles, is a selection of sushi etiquette. Many of these rules you probably already know and follow, but some may surprise you.

-If you are seated at the sushi bar, ask the sushi chef (itamae-san) for sushi ONLY, not for sake, soup, or anything else. This man is a professional and he didn't go through years of training to handle drink orders.
-Don't ask the itamae what's fresh. It implies that something he's making might not be fresh. Ask him instead what he would recommend.
-It's okay to engage the itamae in polite conversation, but don't drag it out if he's clearly busy.
-It's appropriate, but not necessary, to offer the itamae a beer or sake.
-Do everything you can to clean your plate. Wastage is impolite, as is implying your dislike of the food by leaving it uneaten.
-Pour a scant amount of soy sauce in your shoyu dish - again, wastage is impolite.
-If you are offered a hot towel to cleanse your hands, fold it neatly before giving it back to the server.
-Don't rub your chopsticks together. This implies that they're cheap and splintery and it's insulting. When you're not using them, place them on the holder, if there is one, or on the shoyu dish. Don't leave them sticking out of your food. This makes your food into an offering for the dead.
-Don't place wasabi directly in the shoyu dish. The chef has already included what he believes is the proper balance of wasabi to fish in your sushi. Some sources say that it's okay to request that the itamae put more wasabi in your sushi, or leave it out. Can anyone confirm?
-It's perfectly okay to eat nigiri or rolls with your fingers, but sashimi should be eaten only with chopsticks.
-When dipping nigiri in soy sauce, only the fish should touch the sauce, never the rice. Leaving grains of rice behind in your shoyu dish is super gauche. Also, nigiri should be placed in your mouth fish side down.
-If you've got a piece of sushi that can't be dipped in soy sauce in the above-described fashion, like salmon roe or sea urchin, you can take a piece of ginger in your chopsticks, drag it through the soy sauce, and use it to brush the top of the sushi with soy sauce.
-When picking up food from a communal plate, use the end of the chopsticks that doesn't go in your mouth.
-Nigiri sushi should be eaten in one bite. Should you lack the ability to unhinge your jaw, some sources say that it's okay to ask the itamae to cut your nigiri in half. Can anyone confirm? If you must take a second bite, don't put your half-eaten sushi back on your plate - once you pick it up, eat all of it.
-Don't deconstruct your sushi - in the words of one Japanese website: "Because this brutality means a complete denial of the chef's job and the art that he acquired after a long experience. You could easily feel an uncomfortable atmosphere around, that the sushi chef in front of you is looking at and casting an eye of unhappiness on you."
-Ginger is a palate cleanser and should be eaten between dishes, not as an accompaniment to your sushi, and should not be used to flavor your soy sauce.
-Don't pass food from one set of chopsticks to another, as this mimics a funeral ritual.
-Sake should only be enjoyed with sashimi, or after the meal, not with rice-based dishes.
-Don't pour your own sake. Drinking sake is a social ritual and dining companions should pour sake for each other.

High Altitude Chili

I spent this long weekend at a charming condo with charming friends at charming Huntington Lake.  I was assigned dinner duty one night, and I decided that what we really needed after a long day of high altitude frolicking was a pot of ridiculously decadent chili.  I don't exactly have a recipe for this chili - I just add a bit of this and a bit of that until it tastes right.  But here, approximately, is how you make my indulgent chili:

Ingredients:

Six slices bacon

1 1/2 pounds sirloin steak, cubed

1 bottle beer

Three cans crushed tomatoes

Four cans beans

Two large onions, chopped

Four cloves garlic, minced

Chili powder

Cumin

Salt 

Pepper

In your chili pot, cook the bacon over medium high heat until crispy.  Remove and reserve bacon.  Sprinkle sirloin with about 1 tablespoon chili powder, 1 teaspoon cumin, salt and pepper, then sear it in the bacon grease.  Remove and reserve sirloin.  Pour about 1/2 the beer into the pot and add chopped onions.  Cook the onions, stirring occasionally, until translucent.  Stir in crushed tomatoes, minced garlic, and the rest of the beer.  Stir in sirloin and crumbled bacon.  Add chili powder, cumin, salt and pepper to taste, then let simmer over low heat for at least one hour.  About 10 minutes prior to serving, stir in beans.

Practice tips:

-The longer you let this chili simmer, the better it will taste.

-You can use any type of beans you like.  I prefer red and white kidney beans.

-Rinsing and straining the beans prior to adding them to the chili will help reduce gas.  The gassiness we experience after eating beans is caused by nitrogen nodules that cling to the outside of the bean, so washing those nodules away helps reduce discomfort (and embarrassment!).

-You can try using any type of beer you like - I traditionally use Sam Adams. 

-For an extra hearty meal, you can serve this chili over egg noodles and top with shredded cheddar.